P r o l o g u e
Summer 2008 Philadelphia, PA
♫I GOT A BUNCH OF DOLLARS, I CAN SPEND THEM ON HER…‘CAUSE SHE CAN BE MY LADY, SHE CAN BE MY LOVER…CALL ME ON A LATE NIGHT, GET RIGHT, HE AIN’T ACTIN’ RIGHT…EVERY SUPERWOMAN NEEDS A SUPERMAN…HERE I AM!!!♫
A crowd of partygoers sing along to a Rick Ross and Nelly club banger at Club Azure in downtown Philly. Some of them have no idea what they’re really singing, but they sing along to the sway of the crowd anyway. With drinks in hand and plenty of love to go around, guys and girls alike are throwing hands in the air and rockin’ to the mix of the DJ.
“Yooooo!!! It’s on and poppin’ up in here tonight, fam!” An excited Nelly mentions to Eric as they people watch the grown and sexy folks in attendance moving about as they stand on the rooftop deck of the club.
“Hell, yeah! I knew it was going to be a good turnout. But, ‘good lawd!’ She’s got a booty, and she’s got a booty…!” Eric replies, pointing out all the attractive women within their immediate view.
“‘Bruh’, you ‘ain’t’ never lied. It’s a house full of dimes up in here. I’m definitely poking a hole in something, tonight!” Nelly declares, turned on by everything moving with a small waist and a pretty face.
“Azure, man! Azure! Every time we come here they show us love. It’s a beautiful night for it, too. The gangs all here, the temperature is perfect. The stars are out and there’s not a cloud in the sky. Celebrities in the building…you couldn’t ask for a better night!” Eric replies as they look up at the sky and the people around them while sipping on their drinks.
“Yeah, the celebs are definitely in the building. All the rappers and ball players in here seem real cool, too. But, the women in here are boujee as hell! I mean, you can’t even get a conversation out of these hoes.” A frustrated Nelly says, pleading his grievance about getting play at their own events.
“True ‘dat’! Remember, ole’ girl from the radio station and her stank girlfriend at the last party. Acting like we were random guests at our own damn event. I tried to holla at the news anchor tonight, and she acted like she was here on assignment or something? Maybe we need to start vetting our events for these boujee chicks?” Eric replies as they laugh at his comical suggestion.
“Well, there’s always the usual opportunist, I need a baby-daddy so I can get a check, ghetto fabulous, mediocre chicks we’ve been smashin’?” Nelly counters, suggesting the typical alternative.
“My point exactly! I’m tired of these thirsty, mediocre whores looking for a come-up. I need a ‘badd’ chick. A boss chick. I don’t want no mediocre.” Eric replies, stressing his point.
“I’ll drink to that!” Nelly agrees, toasting their glasses as another sexy pair of females cross their path.
Suddenly, Eric spots a familiar Caucasian face, sporting braided cornrows and a hoodie weaving through the crowd.
“Ayo, what up, ‘E’?” Eric’s friend, Spyder from high school calls out as he walks over and gives him a pound and a hug.
“Yoooo! What up, Spyder? I see I finally got you out of suburbia to see how I gets down!” Eric replies.
“Yeah, well, you know I had to check niggas and all…” Spyder comfortably replies before being abruptly cut off by a sudden outburst of rebuttals.
EASY, SLIM SHADY!!!
Eric and Nelly instantly respond, looking at Spyder as if he just lost his mind.
“Yo, you don’t see all this afro-centricity up in here, ‘bruh’? You gone mess around and have about forty righteous Negros take out four-hundred years of reparations out on you.” Eric says, explaining the potential ramifications for his reckless tongue.
“Oh, my bad, ‘E’! I forgot where I was at.” Spyder nervously replies.
“Yeah, ‘oh’ is right! They don’t understand that coming from you. The only thing black people think of when a Caucasian says the n-word, is Roots, Rosewood, and repercussions. And you don’t want to end up on the receiving end of repercussions.” Eric, implores Spyder with a stark warning.
“That’ll get you mauled by a hundred wolves out here, dawg!” Nelly warns as he sizes up the unfamiliar Caucasian.
“Yo, no disrespect. But, I was raised by wolves, dawg!” Spyder, cleverly replies with a witty smile.
“Chill, Nells! He ain’t mean nothing by it. This dude listens to more Chuck D and NWA than most black people.” Eric vouches of Spyder.
“True dat! In fact, I’ve never even dated a white girl before.” Spyder, further validates.
“Oh, word?” Nelly, shockingly replies.
“Yes, word!” Spyder, confirms.
“Got lost on Howdy Doody Road and ended up on Malcolm X Blvd., huh?” Nelly, sarcastically implies.
“Yeah, something like that. Let’s just say I have an appetite for chocolate. Dark chocolate!” Spyder, proudly admits.
“Aight, I’m feelin’ that!” Nelly approves, unofficially giving Eric’s Caucasian acquaintance a pass.
“Nelly, this is my weed man, Spyder. If you ever need the hook up on some skunk, hydro, haze, kush, chronic? Whatever you need, this crazy white boy got the best herb in Philly.” Eric suggests, introducing Nelly to his weed connect.
“Aight, no doubt!” Nelly replies as he gives Spyder a pound. Suddenly, Eric notices security briskly making their way to what appears to be a problem at the bar.
“Hold up, y’all! Check this out!” Eric interjects as he points towards the direction of the disruption.
“Damn, what’s that all about? Is that your people, ‘E’?” Spyder, asks as the commotion grows louder.
“Naw, that ain’t none of my people. I think they’re with the club.” Eric replies as they watch the men at the bar appear to be irate about the bill and the bar tender.
“Hmph…? Everybody ‘wanna’ ball on a budget until the bill comes.” Nelly comments as the men are escorted out of the club and the commotion dies down.
“So, what’s the deal, ‘E’? I mean, aside from herding some of the ‘baddest’ chicks in the city onto one rooftop.” Spyder asks, digressing from the sideline drama.
“Actually, we were just talking about these fake, boujee women up in here. How you come to someone’s event and don’t show love to the hosts? Knowing they’re in here looking for a sponsor.” Eric angrily replies.
“I know exactly what you mean. I see these thirsty chicks all the time, frontin’ like they ‘ain’t’ checkin’ for nobody in the club. When they’re really holding out for somebody with a contract. But, I think I can help ‘y’all’ with your little problem.” Spyder proposes, commiserating the fellas’ situation.
“Is that right?” Eric asks, interested in what Spyder may have to offer.
“Yeah, let’s take a walk!” Spyder says as they move to a less noisy corner of the venue.
“Check this out!” Spyder reaches into his pocket and hands Eric a small baggy of tiny, green, gel pills.
“What the hell is this? What kind of thing you into now, Spyder?” Eric asks as he fumbles with the baggy in his hand.
“That…is the answer to your boujee, anti-social problems. You want to turn a stank-ho ‘NO’, into an ‘ooh’ ‘YES’? These little fantasy pills turn wet dreams into erotic realities. Know what I’m saying?” Spyder, confidently promises as he points to the small bag of pills.
“You’re kidding me, right?’” Eric replies with skepticism.
“I kid you not!” Spyder, confidently replies.
“Okay…? So, what is it? Some kind of new ecstasy or something?” Eric inquires as Spyder has his full attention.
“As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what it is. But better! See ecstasy takes roughly 30 to 45 minutes to kick-in and can last 3 to 6 hours. But, these little babies takes less than 10 minutes to get you buzzed, and it lasts just as long. But, the real beauty behind these little jaded pearls, is that not only do they make you all happy-go-lucky and horny. It’s also a stimulant for males that can turn you into a porn star. And as a bonus, when you come down from this, it causes short-term memory loss stronger than a hangover. In layman’s terms, you don’t remember who, when, what, where, how, or why from the night before. Now, imagine how much fun you can have if one of these ended up in one of these boujee chick’s drinks right now? Basically, you can steal the kitty and run off like a thief into the night without a trace.” An excited Spyder explains to the fellas.
“Damn! So, it’s like a dream drug or something? I need to get my hands on some of those.” An excited Nelly replies.
“Anything about negative side-effects to this?” Eric curiously considers about the drug.
“Well, it ‘ain’t’ FDA approved or anything. But, it’s been on the street for about five weeks now, and the only side effects I’ve heard about are the ones I just told you.” Spyder openly answers.
“Aight. So, what are they calling this on the street?” Eric asks as he passes the pills to Nelly to check out.
“It doesn’t officially have a street name, yet. But, some cats have already dubbed it ecstasy 2.0, panty droppers, green hornets, lady killers, Jade, or envy. Personally, I like to call it ‘girlfriend’ and the name is starting to stick.” Spyder explains with his own spin on the pills.
“Girlfriend, huh? Why girlfriend?” Nelly curiously asks examining the pills himself.
“Because, as long as you have one of these, you’ll never need one. ‘Ya’ dig?” Spyder explains as they all laugh at Spyder’s trade name philosophy.
“Oh, that’s what’s up! I like that!” An excited Eric replies as he looks over at Nelly with smiles and a head nod.
“Uh-huh! See, it’s opportunists like them hoes over there that these pills are designed for. They call themselves coming to the club to have a good time and dance with each other. But, the real game is, they come in here looking for dollar signs. Somebody they recognize from an NBA highlight or riding the bench. Maybe a rapper, reality star, or an NFL player? Some poor rookie, or free agent that can fall prey to being their next meal ticket. To them, dating a dude with a status and getting pregnant is like hitting the lottery. And they’ll spread their legs for just about anyone with a contract or Wikipedia page. Trust me! That’s why I don’t bat an eyelash when it comes to smashin’ these broads! I do it for recreation, like they look up scouting reports.” Spyder rants, justifying his reasoning for using the pills.
“Well hell, we need to put these to the test, ASAP! I see a few pump-fakers in here I wouldn’t mind violating, right now!” Nelly anxiously suggests.
“Oh, I’m goin’ to smut like a rhino, tonight!” Spyder spontaneously declares.
“What...? A rhino?!” Eric and Nelly look at each other with a disturbed, confused look.
“Yeah! ‘Y’all’ don’t watch NatGeo? ‘Y’all’ ain’t ever seen two rhino’s get it in before?” Spyder asks looking at both of them with all seriousness.
“Naw, man! What type of kinkiness is you on?” Eric replies, trying to understand what type of craziness Spyder has come up with now.
“Me neither. But, I’ll bet it’s pretty violent, though! Especially, if he uses that horn. Ya, mean?” Spyder says with a straight face before they all break into an outburst of laughter.
“Yo, this white-boy is crazy, ‘E’!” Nelly says, still laughing at Spyder’s sarcasm, as Eric takes the bag from Nelly.
“So, hold up! You’re tellin’ me that I can hit any of these high-sadiddy, check chasin’ chicks at this party, right now, with just one of these little green monsters?” Eric confirms as he examines the bag again and seriously considers putting the pills to the test.
“Listen, ‘E’. I promise you! You slip one of these in a chick’s mimosa, and you’ll get all the upscale action you can handle! And the best part about it is, no residue. Once it hits the drink, it’s gone in seconds.” Spyder, confidently assures, Eric as he pauses to take it all in.
“Hmph…aight then.” Eric grin’s as he looks at Nelly as if it was the start of something new.